feeling my problems weighing on my shoulders, tears begin to fall
so tired of the struggles that I've been through, I constantly ask God, "why me?"
fed up with the cards that I've been dealt, I no longer want to play the game
thoughts of suicide running through my head, I can't imagine why I person would want to live with pain
as I close my eyes, I only think of the outter reaction towards my circumstances
I don't want to look back, but it hurts to want to move forward
trying my hardest to talk myself out of it, I walk towards the edge of life
looking down, I realize that I have nothing to lose
so as a fearful man, cowardly handling my situation, I lift up my hands and I jump.
on my way diving to the ground, I think of myself as a butterfly
wishing I had wings, I would travel to a place where I couldn't be found
I'd change my name, my hair; I'd even change my mindset
never again will I allow people's opinions to define me
never again will I allow myself to mix in with mediocrity
scared to make a change on my own, I'll blame my problems on others
not liking the reflection in the mirror, I would mask my insecurities with makeup, an attitude, and anger
only wanting to be in another woman's shoes, I'll give my life to see what joy and happiness looked like
but, it's almost over as I am almost to the ground
hearing the screams of the crowd below, I'm kind of tinkled at their reaction
but I'm happy that I won't be like a caged bird anymore
almost at my death, I've seen my life pass before,
only wanting God to be a person just to hold me
but it's over for me...
seeing the light after the tunnel, I know Hell was never mentioned like this,
but I realize that God has given me a second chance
a chance to be a different me, embracing my inner talents, love, and sexuality
swimming in my creativity, I know that I'm an individual
instead of taking my own life, I'll rather give
give to a world for them to know that I'm a living testimony
brought to you by the living God, Jesus Christ
I don't have to live in pain again
for I know that I'm worth this precious life, because he paid it all on the cross
like a buttefly in the Springtime, I'm free.....
free to love. free to live. free to be me.
Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved
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