Daddy's Little Girl

...spun of "The Love Once Spent...

I keep telling myself that I am a big girl, I do not need daddy here with me
but tell that to the little girl within me who only wants to play with that little boy within him

tell her that she cannot have what she wants
tell her that he does not want to play with her anymore, and watch her cry
watch her ambitions burn in flames
watch her heart turn into coal.....

you would think at my age I would be over the whole "daddy" theme in a man
but the truth is, wanting a "daddy" within a man is what makes my heart beat faster,
knowing how it feels to be loved by a real man is something I  have not had the experience to enjoy
but I know how it feels to be spoiled with the attention that you deserve, including the love

having a masculine and dominant being there that knows how to be sensitive and sweet,
where would such a man be?
having someone who believes in business and order, but can unwind and have a good time, too
is such a man like that around?
having someone who is willing to correct me, while molding me to a better woman
could that be a person only of my fantasy?

thinking of my heart, I cannot leave out the young girl within me
my father raised her to be a woman, but at times he still would find time...
find time to love her, spoil her, encourage her, and understand her struggles
it is almost like two different girls stay in the same body
while one is developing herself to be better within society,
the other is waiting for the hero just like her father
never could the two mature together, never could the two agree on one man

my past revealed two opportunities for such a desire of mine,
but I have allowed my "grown" self to ruin those moments
wanting control so much, but not willing to them steer my ship
however, that little girl just wanted attention, but the grown girl would not let that side show
why?
because she's hurting, too
but, she's too prideful to admit that she wants to be loved by daddy, too

Daddy's Little Girl

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

The Love Once Spent

....I allow "Best Ex" from The Dream play as I write about "The Love Once Spent."

memories reflecting my heart like a book
reading through the chapters, I am filled with mixed emotions
I lay across my bed with tears falling from my face
never thought I would see the day that our romance would end
never thought I would see the day when our sweet words would turn into painful phrases of anger
never thought I would have to start over with love when I was happy where I was
never thought I would....

spilling through my radio, Chrisette Michele's "All I Ever Think About" sings of my struggle
the young love that I did not see when we first met,
I wish I could go back and change the circumstances that took place
however, I don't want to go back because I believe in moving forward
yet, I at least want to see where we would have ended up if...

would have
could have
should have ....are the consequences of my actions over?
we are no longer in love
we no longer love each other the way we used to
our conversations are nothing less than screaming,
the thoughts about each other are not pleasant as they once were

jealousy, hate, and heartbreak speak of our story
three months of bliss turned into a four year struggle to make things work
passion of the heart made a way for us to keep trying
the realities of life continue to tap our shoulders of curiousity
maybe were not meant to be?
maybe we are as compatable as we thought?
questions fill my head as I try to figure this out, and yet after all of this time, I have nothing
all I have are the memories of our first kiss, first argument, first recognition of our love

tell me why my heart is playing  on the radio at the moment,
Toni Braxton sung it the best,
"just another sad slow song wreckin' my brain like crazy"
trying to keep from crying, I turn off the music to collect myself back to being calm
I kneel down to a corner in the room as I remain quiet
thinking why the love I want is not here
I begin to see why I'm alone...continuing to hold onto a love that is no longer there
now, I understandwhy I am so hurt inside
understanding why I am filled with so much pride
understanding why I am the way that I am, I lost a lot of my heart and love in you

I keep telling myself that I am a big girl, I do not need daddy here with me
but, how can you stop wanting something that I know exist, but not in my reach?
I know what it feels like to be loved, really be loved
I know what it feels like to love back, really love back
I know how it feels to see your everything leave your possession
I know how it feels to be without him

thinking back to my friends and what they tell me, I know that something maybe better
I believe that in my heart, my mind, my soul, my spirit
but tell that to the little girl within me who only wants to play with that little boy within him
tell her that she cannot have what she wants
tell her that he does not want to play with her anymore, and watch her cry
watch her ambitions burn in flames
watch her heart turn into coal

but, I know times will get better
I can only reflect on the best memories that we once shared
we have grown apart
we have moved on, but the thought continues to linger

The Love Once Spent

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

The Scent of His Cologne

he lingers like a sweet smell of sex and masculinity, my hormones are turned on
there is something about his demeanor to cause any scent on him to be of luxury
watching him walk around is something like a movie
from his freshing pressed clothing,
to the finely tapered haircut on his head like a crown of pearls and diamonds
he is the epitome of sex appeal, with the scent of his cologne

whenever I get around him, my thoughts are always racing
it makes him a better approach, a reason for me to spark a conversation
I get a high just to hug him, so that his scent is finally on my clothing
from him smile to his firm hand shakes, yes, I know that he's a man

full of swagger and drive
I just can run a list about him of the things that I love
but, for the most part, I just have a taste for the scent of his cologne

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Masterpiece Unfinished

his rhymes are not like they used to be, because he doesn't have me
my poetry doesn't speak the same volume as it used to, because there is no him
reminding me of that Brown Sugar kind of love
he's the Dre to my Sid

giggling like a school girl kissing a boy for the first time on the playground
when he reads my poetry, I get such a high that can not be matched
I love it when he tells me of my talent, even though I know what he is saying is true

hearing his voice is like healing for me
words of prophecy that can not be replaced
I hurt him at times, just like he hurts me
during the pain I find the strength to write how I feel, but the words never come out
not thinking about the pain, he is able to beast in the studio, but I know that I'm on his mind

been waiting for the time when our talents can cross each other's path
when the Writer meets the Freestyle.
when the Poet meets the Musician.
when the Artist meets the Artist.

love battles in the arts
I feel as though I need him there to guide the dividing line, but yet I don't need him
a feel as though he needs me to give him that keen ear, but yet he doesn't need me

holding unto him like a crutch, I must say that he has seen me grow
grow as a poet
grow as a writer, but I'm still not at my full potential

but, I know deep down, he would like to see me grow as a woman
so would I
...masterpiece unfinished

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Honey Sweet Love

thinking of the first time we kissed

I remember the bliss that I felt inside
the constant smiling on my face, feeling like a little girl
a crush developed into the real thing
wanting more love than the liking, just seeing the future with us
holding your hands, capturing the memories
Young Love at it's finest, I must say that you're the first
hardly anything immature, the love growing maturely
not paying any attention to the past, or the henderances of the present
I know that the love that you show is pure
it's made so passionately with your whole heart
the taste is sweet like honey, a joyous feeling of being in love
yes, oh yes, your love...honey sweet love

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Naked Truth

....go ahead girl, tellin' those lies...those little white lies
didn't you know that if you lie once, you must lie again
walking around with that attitude of hierarchy, please have a seat
inside bleeding and full of poison, you're dying and don't even know it
just, let me let you know that I know the Naked Truth about you

walking around with your head too high in the sky
sweetheart, since when did Jesus fall from Heaven, for you to replace?
tell me, tell me, why must you be the person that you are
just evil, full of more shit than a public restroom seat
don't know why you keep that trash up,
I know that you like drama like that

bad attitude mixed with the worst case of conceited behavior
girl, you even ain't all of that beautiful
who died and made you the ruler of all of America
sneaky ways like the serpon that tricked Eve to eat that apple,
so yes, I know the Naked Truth about you...

but, they say the truth hurts
I wonder how much it hurts when you start hearing the naked truth about you?
dying alone.

lonely and full of bitterness....get it together
but, one thing that I know that venegence is Christ's
I'll let him deal with you because he truly knows the Naked Truth about you...

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Adii's Heart

poetic mind, collective soul
rhythm and blues ways, spoken in words through song
I hear her melodies, I see Adii's heart

goregous Nubian queen, Eqyptian beauty of Nefe
embellioused with ivy leaves, colors of pink and green
mocha eyes and Winter white smile
her physical prosperity seeks through
Yes, I see Adii's heart

spiritual blessing mixed with the spices of life
vulnerability of the emotional creature,
I noticed the compassion and desire within
sensitivity covered up with a cement stone,
I believe that her heart should be cherished
rolled back and arose like the third day,
I want to see her heart appreciated and adorn

don't look for the beholder
for he will find you because he has the key to unlock
bearing the sweetest kiss
caring the greatest love

Yes, it's a beautiful thing
Adii's heart, love within

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Red Bone. Good Hair.

yellow. red. pink. beige.
I've heard it all.
white girl. mixed. Indian blood.
I've heard it all.

what's up with all of the names
am I not just Black?

it shouldn't matter if my skin sun burns easily like the white folks
it shouldn't matter that I can pass for fair skinned during the winter weather
for all that it's worth, I'm still Black....yes Black as can be.

pretty hair. good hair. wavy with the curly
I've heard it all.
no nigger hair for you.
I've heard it all.

what's up with all of the strand examinations
am I not just Black?

it shouldn't matter that my hair doesn't kink up like the darker crowd
it shouldn't matter if just water and grease can be used on the scalp
for all that it's worth, I'm still Black...yes Black as can be.

I hate the way our skin is categorized
as if ALL BLACK can't be beautiful
stop allowing the WHITE MAN to oppress our beauty
because, if you didn't know God didn't make no mistakes on the darkies so to speak

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Bus Stop

standing.
waiting, waiting for the next opportunity to come at 8:43
looking around at all of the fancy cars passing me with a stunted looks on their faces
where is she going?
what is she doing out there waiting on the bus?
well, why must you ask those kinds of questions?
you don't know my struggle. my past. my present. my future.
just because I choose to be patient instead of asking for a ride, doesn't make me distant

anyone who is anyone knows that being the greatest takes time
sure, I want to be riding around in a Jaquar or BMW, but I have to start small
most Negros want the big shit, but don't want a starting point
like going to a dealership with 5¢ in the pocket, but million dollar thoughts...
there is nothing more pathetic that a piss poor person with no ethics and drive

suited in designer jeans, blouse, 4inch stacked sexiness, and a handbag
you would think I would be rolling on those rims 20'' high,
but, I'm just walking this journey glamorously
standing at this bus stop

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Hot Coffee, Mississippi

I heard of the name, but haven't heard anything about it.
I heard you tell me that you love me, but I haven't heard any reason why I should believe you.

posted in the atmosphere like a snake in the grass
I can't believe nothing that comes from your lips
deep down in the swamp of triffling behavior, why do you even bother contacting me
you must obviously get a joy out of seeing me upset, hurting, and confused
but, I expect that out of a person who is behind in society like Hot Coffee, Mississippi

why won't you act your age?
why won't you just be a man
but, I'm guessing that you couldn't complete such a task or adapt the nature of it
I'm wasting my time talking to you right now
watching paint dry or a wall crack would probably be more worth entertaining
you must obviously get a joy out of seeing me upset, hurting, and confused
but, I expect that out of a person who is behind in society like Hot Coffee, Mississippi

country boy
country ways and country traditions, morals, and values
yet, I haven't seen a tradition, moral, or value with your connection to me
what is it with you?
you aren't as sexy as you think
you aren't as clever as you think
you're just a being walking around with male figures of masculinity: your dick
you must obviously get a joy out of seeing me upset, hurting, and confused
but, I expect that out of a person who is behind in society like Hot Coffee, Mississippi

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Purple Pumps, Pearls, and Pink Lipstick

Purple.
You always said that purple resembled royalty.
You insisted that I wear the color because I was exactly that, royalty.

stepping high in my purple pumps, I imagine me walking on a runway
just you and me with millions of cameras snapping away to my sex appeal
enjoying the color on my yellow skin, you would tell me, "put those sexy pearls on!"

Pearls.
You always said that pearls were so classy on my skin.
You insisted that I wear pearls to show off my glamour side for anyone to see.

giggling like some six year old school girl, I would grace them around my neck so slowly
believing that nothing else was more beautiful than my body with just purple pumps and pearls
acting as though we were in a scene, I try my hardest not to laugh
the imagination of our role playing would excite me so anxiously


Pink.
You always said that pink was a color that matched my beautiful skin.
You insisted that I wear to bring out my cheek color and inward sexiness.

 nothing was complete until I would put on that pink lipstick
long dark lashes, along with my skin smooth with honey beige
pink in your eyes made me pretty
Old English elegance, modernized with a taste of sexiness in the prissy stage
I just know that I was definitely sexy in my purple pumps, pearls, and pink lipstick

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Brown Skin

there is nothing like brown skin

reminding me of a hersey kiss
I dream about the day when I can finally touch your chocolate skin
resembling the smoothness, cream-based confection
I dare not share exactly how I feel
I just wanted to keep it real and let you know that I do admire your chocolate skin

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Red Rose {Do You Think About Me?}

the first flower that you ever gave me was red
red, symbolizing our love for one another
red, symbolizing the deep emotions shared between us

now, that red rose is a dying crimson
because our love does not live anymore
I often wonder if you still think of me
I try my hardest to hold back those tears, but they fall
heart spilling out all of the pain and anger within
but, I've learn to just keep those emotions inside

do you think of me?
do you think of us?

whatever happened to our love, trust, and friendship
the time in which we were happy
people tell me to just get over it, but I can't
my feet are cemented to the ground
my thoughts still reflect the past

I'm not sure if I want to get over you
because I'm still holding unto our love
what we once were
what we once stood for..my God, I miss us

just thinking about the red rose

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Invisible Kiss

feels as though you are there,
even though it's understood that you're not

sending chills up my arm and down my spine
the excitement erects my nipples, sending chills to my breasts
tickling around my neck, I feel the strands of my hair lifted
heavy breathing and sweet whispers in my ear, I'm speechless

are the feelings a part of my imagination?

stepping out of my mind for a second
I just know that dejá vu is playing games with me
seeing your reflection in the mirror, I turn around...nothing there
could it...

warmth around my body
down my neck, below my breasts, at my stomach
tears falling to the pillow, I just know that this is not you
invisible...indeed you are...

getting myself away from my thoughts
I must come into the realization that you're not coming back
that kiss that I felt, was just invisible
because the love we shared does not live her anymore....

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved