Heart of Montgomery

send me back home to the place in which I began
reminiscing about the time when my mind and heart were free
trusting in love as if it was the last option of life
having that sense of security,
knowing that my very being had constant protection from harm
little did I know that I would be in a whirlwind of mindless behavior
massacure of heartache driven to the edge by suicidal thoughts
who would have thought that love could possibly appear as this

excuse me if I may, but should not a woman be allowed to love?
it's funny how jealousy can seek in a man's heart as though it was a serpent
took a bite of the forbidden fruit and almost paid for it with my life

3am, the devil's hours

crying dark tears of a woman screaming for the love that she once knew
no support, no direction
just pieces of her old self scattered on the floor like broken glass
what is she to do when the man that she's always loved,
harsely tries to love her back?

the break up.

attempts of moving on, finding a new direction
being young, dumb, and in love
wanting a slow escape from the pain that was supposedly in my head
gave up the most precious because it was no longer cherished by my love

the virginity.

the thought of the escape recorded in the back of his mind
each man digging deep in my frame, causing me to mistake sex for love,
allowing him to become more upset because he wasn't the man I was sleeping with
but what exactly is there for a man to do,
only but to break the woman down to where her self-esteem was below the ground
feed her lies that eventually become the way she views herself
tell her that he loves her, only for her to experience nothing but the opposite
tell her that she's worthless
tell her that she's too ambitious
have her to call or text, but purposely never answer
play with her heart when she is completely serious about the love
make her cry then laugh about it
allow her to feel like the love from the beginning can be replaced,
but feed her emotional poison so that she can constantly be sick
plot the motive to impregnate her, so that her dreams can be placed on hold
choose every jealous action carefully, so that no other man would want her

the sick  mind of an obsessed man wanting a woman that had to let go

sitting in my room staring at the ceiling,
I crave for love
have already ran so many men out my life
because of the true mirror image of my heart left from the last man
although I can't truly call him a man, but a little boy

wonder why a woman cries to herself at night
because she is tired
tired of being lied to
tired of being cheated on
tired of facing life without a hero because these men don't truly know how to be one
tired of having to wait for that "prince charming"
when in fact he might be homosexual,
tired in general, because every woman deserves a strong chest to lay on

when it's all said and done
I'm alone but not lonely
as long as I still remember the Heart of Montgomery,
you won't ever have to worry about me being too in love,
let alone being in love at all....

Copyright© 2011
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Naked Truth (Part II)

standing before him, I present myself as a prop for his photoshoot
with camera in hand, he creates a scene that only a real artist could
soft music creating a different mood in the background, he plays in my hair so sexually
giving directions, I notice his keen observation

the artist work

reading through my body language
undressing me with his eyes,
true admiration of my curves
drowning deep with the mocha moons of my eyes,
he dreams of drinking from the cup of passion touched by my full lips so pink
pressing down my frame
he holds my breasts high to gain a better focused visual
he uses his fingers to outline my waist and hips,
giggling at the tickle coming from his smooth fingertips touch my yellow skin

turned on by the experimentation,
the light of the flash captures the essence of my inner sexual energy seeking through
the trail of moisture trickles down my thigh as I hold my composure
thinking new thoughts of this being taking these scandolous pictures of me
using this camera as if it's a special tool of digging deeper in my soul
feeling sexy and beautiful,
my body is placed in multiple positions for a successful project
the changing of clothing,
removal and repaint of cosmetics,
new directions of artistry
I am amazed at how he's able to embellish my full figure so gracefully and tasteful
having such fun with my frame with colors and imagination
I'm caught off guard as he carefully notices every emotion and movement of my body
the tilt of my head and the bite of lips opens up the true feeling of my heart
he continues to snap shots of me

as the end appears, I'm more than convinced that he knows the inner naked truth about me
noticing the heartbreak in my eyes
nervousness of my lips
insecurity of my shape
shyness of my sex appeal
fear of being myself in front of camera
scared that he may think what society thinks

are my breasts too big
is my backside not round enough
is my smile not perfect enough
are the patches on my back frightening to him
does he think my stomach not flat enough
are my thighs rubbing too close together
am I still beautiful

but...he doesn't make a mention,
only being marveled at the true beauty of a woman
focused more on the entire presentation of beauty instead of the size 16....

Copyright© 2011
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Twerk Team

have we not been taught better, Black women?
shaking your asses for the males attention
such a fool is a woman who believes that life is about partying
such a fool is a woman who cannot keep her legs closed or clothes on

do you believe that God gave you that marvelous body for the world to see
do you not believe that you can be much prettier dressed up
no, you would rather be everything the world thinks you are
and you have the nerve to be mad when the men of society call you hoes

are you not more than just your ass?
are you not more than just your breasts?

tell me, what would make you feel better,
to have the world admire you for your physical attributes
or
to have the world admire you for your true beauty and brains

it makes me so mad to see young ladies want to be apart of a "twerk team"
for what?
we understand that such dancing can be done behind closed doors
but why can't your dancing be something that represents you well
is ballet too white for you?
maybe the Afrikan inspired movements are just too played out
with your cut off shorts and bra tops, who are you impressing

just the other day, I watched a news preview of a New Orleans girl
she told the reporter that this "twerk team" was like a full time job
I wanted to spit in her face
why is that?
because she said that the "twerk team" represented the youth
no, you fool...
the "twerk team" represents the ghetto version of self expression
no Black woman should want stripping and provocative dancing to be her gold
having a full time job is where you benefit from America
not benefitting from the horny and sex crazed society ready to fuck
are you serious young ladies,
are you serious?

as if college isn't good enough
we have to put such shame to ourselves being the stereotypes
I curse the day the person told us it was okay to be such shameful creatures
we are not in the Mother Land,
we are in America where being Black isn't good enough
you should want to be the inspiration of society
the young women of education, careers, and ambition

what was the reason for Josephine Baker
what was the reason for Debbie Allen
if all you're going to do is shake your naked ass for no pay
the disgrace of the Black culture

what makes it worst, these girls consider it cute
because no one has told them the truth
well, let me tell you my friend
shaking your ass on YouTube videos isn't cool
you make yourselves look foolish and unfit
basic females wanting the spotlight....
because they refuse to reach higher

too busy auditioning for failure
the failure called "twerk team"

Copyright© 2011
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Uncontrollable Urge

got to the point where I craved him more each day
something like an addiction that I didn't want to shake
thinking about him between my thighs brought tears trickling down my cheeks
rubbing deep in his hair, embellishing in full ecstasy

please don't stop what you're doing
all of the sexual escapades that eventually invited my heart to get involved
never felt an emotion quite like this,
never even dismissing the feeling
why was is it that he was always on my mind
kissing slowly down my spine
caressing my frame so gently, gazing deep in my eyes in full admiration
how could I not fall for such a feeling?
no man have ever made love to me in that manner
funny how it cost me my self respect and dislike for the norm

thinking deeper about the situation, I wanted him more than just sex
having had craved his laugh, his smile, his sex appeal
wanting to be around to see more, but it seemed to have been cut short
trying to create something out of nothing,
only hurting myself in the end,
I just had to have more....
I had to have more of him

stroking deeper in my pevis,
wanted to wrap my mind around the idea of conceiving him in me
selfishly and stupidly, falling in love with the sex and bad boy demeanor
getting myself caught in a whirlwind of bullshit,
my rehab had to be present for me to have gotten out of it
sort of like snorting the most expensive drug,
shooting the deadliest poison,
I needed him to be that numbness for the pain
but the results backfired

now sitting here wondering what happened,
picking myself up
rubbing slowly on my vagina, daydreaming about that amazing sex
the uncontrollable urge cost me so much more,
recovery of an addict
trying to turn sex into love


spin-off from "Bedroom Girlfriend" available through the new book "Love, Life, and Sacrifice"

Copyright© 2011
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Little Black Queen

what do you tell a child who doesn't have anything to believe in
do you tell her to read a magazine or tell her to turn on the television screen
everything around her seems to mimick that of a story book,
instead it's not fairytale, but more of a nightmare
what do you say to her when it seems as though being black is not good enough
do you tell her to embrace the beauty God gave her,
or do you tell her to find beauty in the weaves and false lashes,
sold by people who could give a damn about the Black community
do you tell her that her skin is too dark, she must bleach it
do you tell her that her hair is too kinky, she must relax it
when will it be appropriate for us to nurture our little blessings to be so
maybe when she's dead, or being mental molested by the society we live in
don't consider me hating when it comes down to this matter,
is this considerable for our little black queen

Nicki Minaj will never raise my daughter
since when is it okay to walk around with pink hair with a chain that say "Barbie"
last time I checked, it took years before Matel made a Black doll for Black girls to play with
is this what you consider to be the supreme of the Black female
I will hope not considering the fact that these young black girls don't have much to look up to
where are the mothers? where are the inspirations?
don't consider me hating when it comes down to this matter,
is this considerable for our little black queen

just because a woman has a 40' backside, does that give her a right to show it off sexually
since when dressing in lingerie for a magazine or website considers to be modeling
you want to convince me that you're a model, strutt down the runway in Yves Saint Laurent,
capture your essence of beauty in Gucci, Felicity Brown, or DKNY
last time I checked, there was only one Black Victoria Secret model
so why are the rest of you women doing it
is it to get some exposure
is it to get some extra change
you fool, don't you know that society sees you as nothing more than a good fuck
you won't ever be seen as the beauty of high Black society because it shows low self esteem
a woman worth of covering herself up is a woman worth cherishing
versus a child who is leaving nothing to the imagination
don't consider me hating when it comes down to this matter,
is this considerable for our little black queen

why is that we tend of have children by a man who can less about us
just because you give birth to a child doesn't make a man stay
complaining about child support and the absence of a father,
but you can't tell me that you weren't aware of his action before you laid down with him
truth be told, beautiful women produce beautiful children
but why must these children be by different fathers
this question doesn't apply to all Black women,
but there is no reason to get offended
you see, it must be true when they say, "good dick can make a smart girl dumb"
but how dumb do you have to be to have multiple children by multiple men and then complain about it
I'm not judging no one, but society is
if you're not willing to hear the truth from your own, they who are you willing to hear the truth from?
did you hear about that story about Amber Cole
no, I don't fault that child
I fault her mother
you want to know why: because certain habits are learned at home
seem like she was looking for acceptance, some love somewhere
at the end of the day, where is her mother?
the problem is that the younger generation is being raised by children
the same mothers in the club with their daughters,
 or working too hard to make ends meet without a father
instead of pointing fingers at these young ladies, how about we point towards a bible or a hug
don't consider me hating when it comes down to this matter,
is this considerable for our little black queen?

is there something wrong with a woman getting multiple degrees and being independent
seems like when our mothers and grandmothers taught us to take care of ourselves
society, let alone the Black man, tells us that we're wrong
no, we are not taught to attend college to find our husbands and have children right away,
we're taught how to provide for ourselves, productively and positively
but it seems though the "Bad Bitches of the Club" have more worth than a real woman
just because a woman decides to keep her legs closed and mind open, she's a bitch or a snob
I never thought wanting to be college educated, in a sorority, and honor society
would substitute for a woman who won't step on a college campus, but on a club floor faithfully
seems as though the sex crazed society is what's making our women have worth
having the large butts and breasts is more beautiful that a bright mind and strong personality
don't consider me hating when it comes down to this matter,
is this considerable for our little black queen?

when will we evolve as a Black woman as a whole
when will we see that we all are beautiful,
we can go without the man-made products aging our skin, destroying our bodies, and thinning our hair

when will we be role models for our young girls
so that they can be more than baby mamas, prostitutes, and penis suckers

when will we all see each other as queens,
so that we can raise queens settling for nothing but the best

when will we....

Copyright© 2011
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Playlist

he's my midnight lover
his voice is what I tune into whenever I'm feeling the need to be caressed by tunes
he is familiar with the type of music that gets me going
that R&B that soothes my soul, along with the sexual beats that make mybody weak
a little Trey Songz here, a little R. Kelly there
mixing in a bit of Jodeci with Bobby Valentino, my emotions are high and ready to listen

laying in my zone with the dim lights in my room,
I make sure to only pay attention to his rotation
Jill Scott, adding Marsha Ambrosius has my mind wondering into unknown places

picturing my body with his,
I ponder on the ecstasy that we can create
as I trail my fingers down his spine, biting deep into his shoulder blade
running his fingers through my hair, I begin to give into the passion of the moment
playing that Bow Wow joint "Boyfriend for the Night,"
I know he will be exactly that

rising out of my slumber, I dance to the beat
my body flowing in different directions, I can imagine him watching me
enjoying my every movement,
I vision his playlist continuing to change
switching from Keri Hilson to Jennifer Hudson, I know that he's feeling my soul
playing that Chris Brown to Drake, I know he's feeling my inner thighs...

tapping myself out of the daydreaming,
I finally make my phone call to the station
requesting my favorite song along with a shout-out,
I just prepare my mind for the day that I tell him how I feel
until then, I'll just jam to the music he continues to play for me,
for I know he is thinking of the perfect song to this perfect dream

Copyright© 2011
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

XLH

losing myself in love of your friendship,
I'm honored to have you in my life

the selfless behavior of such a being shows God through your smile and kind words
don't understand the reason why he chose me to be paired up with you
however, I see the true love of your heart and the pureness of your intentions
thanking the glory for knowing you

the nights when tears pour from my eyes with such anger and turmoil,
you make an effortless attempt to bring a smile to my frowning demeanor
the days when I don't want to get out of bed,
you'll send up an endearing prayer for the peace and fruits of the Holy Spirit to touch my soul
wanting nothing but for me to be happy,
I haven't quite met a man with such amazing ways

humbled, being grateful to have a mentor and motivator in you,
I would never replace our friendship for none of the world's riches
I look forward to seeing you grow as a man, especially a man of God

excited for you to be blessing towards a future wife and children,
for I know that they will feel the same exact way
pleased with the fact that your upbringings brought you up to being such a great individual
having your own mind, words, and opinion
more than the stereotype, an educated Black man
being more than just a modeled citizen, but an inspiration for any young man needing a way out
I couldn't ask for a better gift,
for I know that knowing you proves me that there are great men out there,
especially the man that God has for me

reminding me of the keen love of my father,
I wish nothing more than for you to see that you've touched my heart in such a special way
you'll never know how much I truly appreciate you being there
thank you for being just yourself,
because within your smile I know that my days will be bright again.

Copyright© 2011
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved

Pink Ribbon

as a woman, what do you say to an epidemic that is killing my ownis there a reason to actual celebrate,
let alone give too much into mourning
the same breast that gave life to my children,
 is the same breast that could eventually take life from me

as a woman, what do you say to an epidemic that is killing my own
at a time when I could create such a crown of beauty with the strands of my hair
now, I have to cover with a wrap or a hat
the very piece of me that represented my true sex appeal,
has me ashamed to walk out my front door

as a woman, what do you say to an epidemic that is killing my own
body aching from the different pains and overly active emotions that reflect harshly on life
regretting the moments that I lost and the people that I could have mended things with
wishing I had another opportunity to make old things new, recreating a new me in the mirror

as a woman, what do you say to an epidemic that is killing my own,
I tell that epidemic that it's not going to kill me
it's not going to rob me of my life or rob my family from having me in their lives
I tell that epidemic that breast cancer is not the end of me, but only the beginning of a new life for me
no more worrying about the unnecessary, let alone surrounding myself with things of death

as a woman, I have the choice to fight
and I am going to fight this thing to the end
that's why I wear my Pink Ribbon because it symbolizes the strength that I have within
it shows how strong and determined all women are
finding themselves beautiful and unique after losing the very feminine things society preaches about
the essence of having joy through the days when tears outweigh the smiles
knowing the every stride of steps is another chance to be a legacy and live life abundantly

as a woman, I am PINK.
I am a survivor of breast cancer.

Copyright© 2011
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved