Just to be Closer....

...just to be close, just to be close to you
.......just to be close to you is my desire...

sitting with my back against the wall,
I feel the pressure of life closing me in as I think about what's in front of me
mental fear and emotional disappointments have caused me to become bitter
placing too much trust in people has been my downfall
why must I feel this way?
so incomplete and unworthy,
depression and sadness shower my sunny days,
but only wanting it to get better

is it because I know that I've come this far that I must change?
that maybe the life I've been living hasn't been the same
things that I once found comfort and love in, are the very thing that I despise
wanting not to be in the same environment
wanting not to be around the same people
wanting and needing a change so bad that I can taste it
but afraid of biting into it in fear that I'll be rejected by my peers

someone once told me to never force it or fight it
but how can I force something that feels so right,
and yet I fight it because it's I know that it's right for me

it's strange how I want the "good life" but not willing to work for it
the real happiness and joy the is given to me through Christ is almost thrown away
could it be said that I'm bringing my own misery my way,
or could it be said that my heart is wanting to be fixed...

screaming for help but not knowing how to express it
I once tied my belief in God with the believe in people
feeling as though if people hurt me, God would, too
feeling as though if people want worst for me, God does, too
but now I'm understanding that that's not true,
but tell it to the physical struggles in my life

crying myself to sleep at night,
I know that it's something better to live for
believing in just one Christ, I know Jesus is making me stronger
just to be closer to him is my desire,
because I wouldn't want to be closer to anyone else....

Copyright© 2010
De'Shundra Gibson, All Rights Reserved