"I never meant to cause you any sorrow.
I never meant to cause you any pain.
I only wanted to one time see you laughing.
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain."
-"Purple Rain" (Prince Rogers)
Have you ever been connected to a person that seemed to solve all of your problems, besides God? I mean, you tell this person everything because you know that that person wouldn't tell a soul. Well, I had someone like that in my life, but instead of that person being one of my gossip gal pals, that person was a young man who I saw myself blossoming in life with. He was my best friend, but I ruined that because I was jealous of his girlfriend. Jealous hearted and full of drama, I wasn't welcoming to the "newness" in his life. I just wanted him to myself.
"I never wanted to be your weekend lover.
I only wanted to be some kind of friend.
Baby I could never steal you for another.
It's such a shame our friendship had to end."
Before, our goal was to get to know each other, and eventually we did. We began to understand each other and love each other as the friends that we had become. At first, we enjoyed each other's company. We would talk over the phone for hours about anything: sports, sex, food, high school classmates, fashion, politics, music, television shows, etc. We would laugh about everything. We even had a secret code to conversations that no one could understand. I didn't see him as a potential mate at the time because I just didn't want him as that. I wanted him as a friend.
We shared a common ground fulls of interests and art of music and words. He raps. I write poetry. The mix was pure genius. He would freestyle for me. I would read my poetry to him. Our match was simply Heaven sent and I loved it. But, at the time, neither one of us was in a relationship. He was looking for Miss Right, while I was still getting over a relationship from three years previous. We comforted each other by listening, sharing secrets, and paying attention to one another. Never thought we would end so soon.
"Honey, I know, I know, I know that times are changing.
It's time we all reach out for something new.
That means you too.
You say you want a leader,
But you can't seem to make up your mind.
I think you better close it,
And let me guide you to the purple rain."
We had a brief fall out before the beginning of the Fall semseter. When he apologized and admitted for missing me, I decided to reconcile because secretly, I missed him, too. We talked for weeks and got back to the swing of things, but the situation was different for me. Instead of us growing as friends, we grew as friends, but in my mind, we were growing as a couple. I was able to strip him completely naked emotionally and reveal his flaws to him. I felt that if God could love him for his rights and wrongs, I could, too. But, his feelings weren't mutual. He had been falling for this young girl that I could not compete with. But, I shouldn't have had to compete for someone that I had had as a friend. {But, she didn't see what I saw in him.} In the midst of him falling in love with her, I was falling in love with him. Everything about him matched my "I Want This Kind of Man Lord," list that I created. I mean, he is tall, dark chocolate, sexy, goal driven, hard working, and a family man. Not mention that he's a Christian and educated. He is also independent and self employed. That's what I wanted for my mate.
The smoke just couldn't stay clear between us. We argued and fought more than he and his girlfriend did. He felt that he was obligated to me, and so did I. But in reality, the only obligation that he really had was to God, his family, and his girlfriend. That pill was so hard for me to swallow with or without water. So, after hard thinking, he let me go for the sake of his relationship. I didn't put up a fight. I just listened and let it go.
Bothered, I cried to my friend guy because he knew I was hurt. He had already came up with the conclusion that I was in love with my ex best friend. As much as I would deny it, it was true. For a second, my poetry didn't mean a thing to me because I didn't have him next to me to be my critiquer. But, I later saw my poetry as a ministry and a stress relief. If anything, I will pay homeage to him in my poetry because he showed me what it was like to be loved by a man without even having sex with him, plus having someone to believe in your vision with you.
Playing, Purple Rain, I think about my friend. Lost in the guitars playing in the background while Prince sings, I'm filled with so many emotions because I know that I won't ever have a friend guy to ever rock my world like he did.
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